Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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