i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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