So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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