speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
