I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
