Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
