You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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