omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize