The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
