these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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