So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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