im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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