dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
