Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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