Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
