Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
