He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Randomize
