I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize