dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
