That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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