Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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