It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
