O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize