girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
