this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
