i barfeds in our rink
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
