you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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