Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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