u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize