i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
