You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
