there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
