I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
