yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
