you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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