You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
