there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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