So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize