If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
