How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
