After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
