Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
