I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
