So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize