omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
