i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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