so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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