I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
