eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
