This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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