Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
