On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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