What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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