can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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