I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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