you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
