Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
