I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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