Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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