am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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