i permit you to call me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
