no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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