this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize