she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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