Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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