I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
